He emailed me today and told me he was coming back to Colorado and wanted to see me. That he missed me. That he couldn’t stop thinking about me. That I was the most sincere, caring, kind, woman he’s ever been with and blah, blah, blah.
What. the. Fuck. Douchebag?!
Seriously? I hate boys. All of them.
I may be a sucker, but I am not that big of a sucker. Even if I were single I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. Do people really think others are that dumb?!
Anyway, I decided that it was enough and I would tell his wife about the whole thing, because I can only forgive and forget and mind my own business so much. So, I go cyber-stalking and find his myspace again (after an hour of trying to remember how I found it in the first place) and guess what – she’s divorcing him and it will be official by Thanksgiving.
Big surprise there, eh?
I feel bad. I feel like I could’ve saved this woman the heartbreak of being a Divorcée at 26. I could’ve saved her a ton of money, time, and effort by telling her before she was married to this jerk.
This seems to be turning into the “Let’s stroll down memory lane with music” site. I have so many things to get off of my chest, but I don’t really have the strength or desire to delve into that can of worms right now. My health being the biggest issue I want to avoid. So instead, let’s listen to one of the saddest songs ever, at least for me. It conjures up memories of my failed relationship with Jeremy, mainly because he loved it so much. Of course, he also love ‘Something’, too, so maybe he’s just a Patti Boyd fan? If you get that reference, you’re as big of a dork as I am.
Just FYI, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I don’t care how cliche that sounds; things are changing. They have to, or I won’t survive.
I’ve had some time to distance myself from my woes and I’m feeling a bit better. I was going to go into detail about my horrid week, but I see no point in dwelling on it; it will just depress me. So, here’s a quick recap:
I started my internship on Tuesday the 27th of May. It was possibly the most awesome day of my life. It was completely amazing – the company I was interning for (A HUGE vendor in the aerospace business) is part of the Missile Defense Agency. The job was located on an Air Force base here in town and the security to get into the building is just awe inspiring. I met the big bosses and was told what I’d be working on this summer – an amazing project that is reminiscent of the movie War Games.
Basically, it was everything I’d ever wanted in a job. It required a Secret security clearance because some of the stuff is classified. I filled out all the paperwork (literally every detail for the past 10 years of my life) and was told that I was cleared to work – until around 3pm that day. Then, they called my boss guy and said my interim hadn’t cleared yet, so I’d have to leave. It was a big deal and they had to turn on lights to warn people that someone without a clearance was on the work floor. I came back the next day and was in a meeting when I got pulled out. My interim clearance was denied. Long story short, I forgot to list my father’s sister, a German citizen, on my clearance paperwork and it was denied. This wasn’t a huge deal, and they could’ve pushed the clearance through and straightened everything out, but I’m just an intern. And with being just an intern they didn’t want to waste time or money on me.
I don’t really blame them, but it still really sucks, you know? This is something I’ve wanted so badly for so long that having it dangled in front of my face like that was devastating. But, I’m doing better, and as with everything else in life, time has helped heal my broken heart. It still sucks. I’m still really disappointed and somewhat angry with myself for completely forgetting I had an aunt in Germany, but life moves on.
As for the M16 in my face? While I was being escorted out of the building (everyone without a clearance has to be escorted at all times – even to the bathroom) when they had a ‘situation’ in the portal to leave the grounds. Fifteen soldiers come running in and screaming for everyone to get on the floor. Fun times. One of the soldiers was directly in front of me and pointing his gun in my face. Luckily they had warned us that this happens somewhat frequently and I didn’t pee my pants in terror. Still, a bit exciting, no?
To top off the week, someone got ahold of my debit card information through US Bank. The account I had CLOSED a week prior. The account that I had bitched about before and absolutely loathed. Luckily, I logged in to make sure my account was closed, because let’s be honest, I don’t trust US Bank at all. Thank God I checked. I logged in to find over $500 in charges to iTunes and Yahoo Wallet. I called the bank and they were completely lackadaisical about the whole fucking thing. The fact that I had CLOSED that account a week earlier, the fact that my card number was obviously stolen, the fact that nothing should’ve been authorized on a closed account in the first place – none of that seemed to interest them. They said they’d reverse the charges and send me some paperwork to fill out in the mail. I can not stress it enough: NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH USBANK.
I don’t know if any other information of mine has been comprimised, so I filed a fraud alert with the credt agencies, and alerted my other banks about the incident. I just find it suspicious that the exact account I just closed suddenly had mysterious charges on it. US Bank employee maybe? I wouldn’t put it past them.
So, it’s been a trying few weeks. Really, just that week but the repercussions have lasted since. However, I’ve come to realize that things usually happen for a reason in life. I can’t change the past, and I can’t sit around and wallow in my own sadness. Sometimes, be it with relationships or jobs or life in general, things turn out for the best when I don’t get what I want. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that.
I found this through Boing Boing and decided to take the plunge and see what a shitty 1939 housewife I’d make. I confirmed my suspicions and scored a whopping two. A two! That qualifies me as a very poor (failure) of a housewife. Good thing I have no desire to be one, right?
I love reading stuff like this – societal changes (and lack of them) is fascinating.
I’ve .pdf’d the photos if you’d like to pass the lovely booklet along to friends and family. I sent it to everyone I know, but I’m a weirdo.
I feel like I can’t even communicate at the moment. I’m running on less than 2.5 hours of sleep and it’s starting to take its toll. Ignore me, but don’t ignore the awesome wife test.
Also, there’s a husband version. I’m going to quiz my inappropriately, and barely legal, young lovah. Wonder if he’ll pass?
What’d you score? Please be a shitty housewife (or househusband) with me!
I have been so busy with final projects and exams lately that I’m completely exhausted most of the time. But, to be honest, it’s nice to be completely exhausted. I feel like I’ve done something; that I’ve accomplished something.
This weekend I don’t have a lot of group work to do (hopefully!), so I’ve made plans to go out with a few of the boys in the department for a trail ride. We haven’t had time to do this, or the cooperating weather, since March.
I’m so excited I can hardly contain it. I miss being in the mountains. I miss nature. I miss spending time with people I love doing something I love.
Just thinking about it makes me smile.
Once again, I know I’m tempting fate, but I’m so happy lately. Even with all the stress, lack of sleep and limited amount of free time.
I’ve been tapering down my steroid for awhile, but my last official prednisone was on Monday. Since the tapering I’ve lost 21lbs.
21lbs in a little over 2 weeks.
Do you realize, 1) how mind blowingly unbelievable that is, 2) how fat I am that I can actually lose that amount of weight in such a short amount of time, and 3) how fucking bloated I must have been from the steroids? My clothes are literally falling off of me.
I know that it was all water weight and that I still have a ton (literally!) to go, but it has already made me feel 10,000 times better about myself and brought back a lot of self confidence that I lost.
I have no doubt that I will be back down to a normal size in a very short period of time. I’m not so depressed and withdrawn right now, and while I still have a long way to go to get back to being me, I’m well on my way.
I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I could restart my Wellbutrin finally, but I also know that it’s because I’m getting my self esteem back slowly. People don’t understand how much excess weight can radically affect the way people treat you and how you feel about yourself.
But, the fact is I am a kind, caring, loving, loyal, person. I’m smart, I’m driven, and I’m focused. I will achieve everything I’ve ever wanted and I can’t allow people who don’t care about me, and give up on me when I’ve hit rock bottom, to make me feel like I’m unworthy of anything.
I’m nursing a broken heart at the moment, and while I think it was probably for the best, it still stings.
Almost on a daily basis I have a dialog in my head about what I’m going to write here, and every day I have a post perfectly planned out. I post here for my benefit, and the whole planing process usually puts me at enough ease to feel better about whatever I’ve been worrying about, so I procrastinate posting. However, I think it’s extremely beneficial to have a record to look back upon and realize how far I’ve come.
Today I read through old entries, and while some unfortunate history repeats itself in my life too often, it’s nice to read a post where I thought life wouldn’t ever get any better, and without fail, it does.
I’m not dead, though lately I feel as if I’d rather be.
I’m really in a shitty mental place at the moment, especially about my weight. I weigh more now than I’ve weighed in years and though I would love to blame it all on the steroids I’ve been taking for months, I know it’s a combination of a lot of things coming to a head. Things I need to finally face and get over once and for all. I can’t continue to do this to my body every three years as self punishment for things I had no control over in the past.
I know that doesn’t make sense to anyone else right now. I’m sorry, but I just can’t explain it yet.
Anyway, I fought with my doctor on Monday. Literally yelled and cried about how I’m not taking those pills anymore and how I don’t care if my fucking throat explodes, I’m sick of feeling, looking and being completely miserable.
Who does that? Who actually yells and cries at their physician? Whose physician actually yells back?
But, the good news? I’m already well into the whole drastic weight loss portion of my requisite 3 year fucked up body cycle, and from experience I estimate that I can lose the weight by September if not sooner.
Except this time, I’m going to fix my mind as well as my body. But, I don’t know if I can do it alone.
