I’m Not Dead, I Swear

So, it’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything substantial. I’ve had several reasons, or excuses depending upon how you look at it, for why I haven’t. Instead of getting into those, let’s just forget about it, shall we? Good.

I, despite having horrible men boys in my life recently, am super happy right now. Things are finally starting to go my way, and I’m so excited about what my future holds.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way.

Things since I last updated: I’ve started my research assistant job with my adviser. I’ve learned more in the past few months than I think I learned in most of my undergraduate career. My adviser is a new professor – she’s only two years older than me – and I’ve had the pleasure of helping her set up our brand new lab and our first experiment. It may seem mundane to most, but I have loved every second of it.

I start grad school in the fall – I have a fellowship and several grants that have allowed me to FINALLY get my own apartment.

I. CAN. NOT. EXPRESS. HOW. EXCITED. I. AM.

I signed a lease last weekend, however they’re upgrading my apartment for me before I move in, so it won’t be available to move in until August 26th. I had a goal of being out of my mother’s house by the time I’m 30 (I aim high, eh?!) and I’ll make it! By 10 days, but damn it, I made it!

The apartments are gorgeous and in an amazing complex 5 minutes from campus. Free wireless internet, free spa, free tanning, free gym, free continental breakfasts, and best of all: FREE STARBUCKS. Every morning. Let me repeat that: FREE STARBUCKS; they have an entire little cafe set up.

Have a look at the cute little show model…

Not to mention, the most amazing pool in town…

I’m so happy. It feels weird.

I’ve been super busy lately. What’s new, right?

Also, I can’t believe I did it, but…

My infomercial obsession is nothing new (proof), and I’m obsessed with Vince Offer. Every time I watch TV, it’s TIVO’d of course so I can fast forward through the commercials. However, I will literally rewind to watch the ShamWOW and SlapChop commercials. They’re brilliant! I just wish they were the full 30 minute infomercials.

(I met my stepsisters for the first time on Christmas. I don’t really feel like talking about that at the moment. It’s hard to see your father with a new family and doing fatherly things that he never did with you – with someone else’s daughter.)

Tonight I passed out from shear exhaustion for a small nap around 8:00pm. I planned on sleeping about an hour and then waking up and hitting the books – again. Unfortunately, I overslept a bit, but the universe was looking out for me and sent an alarm to wake me up.

At exactly 9:18pm I was awoken by 4 loud pops. I was a bit startled, but thought it must be fireworks from the assholes who live behind me. However, it was odd enough and loud enough that I noted the exact time it happened incase the cops stopped by and someone was dead.

I’m psychic.

At 9:40 the doorbell rang. I opened the door to 5 cop cars outside my house and a cop asking if everyone in the house was alive and ok.

“Um, yeah – why?”

“Well Ma’am, it seems there were shots fired in your front yard and we need to ask you a few questions.”

Ok, wtf?! I HATE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. It wasn’t just gunfire a few houses away, or gunfire in front of my house, it was gunfire IN MY FRONT YARD THAT IS FENCED IN.

After HOURS of the cops being here they finally packed up and left. (with no dead body and no real damage to anything other than a broken window in the neighbor’s house, was there a need for hours and hours of mulling around my yard? Tax dollars at work, I see.)  They found 4 shell casings in my yard and on the sidewalk in front of my house. That’s it.

1) Why would someone jump into my yard and shoot a gun? Presumably they shot away from the house towards the street because a bullet shattered the neighbor’s window. Why?!

2) Since there really wasn’t death/serious damage why would the cops stay for hours combing my yard for bullet casings? It just caused a bunch of the neighbors to congregate around my house gossiping about who wants to kill the neighbors.

3) I hate this neighborhood. For obvious reasons now. At least this validated my feelings.

4) May can’t come soon enough. Hopefully I’ll have a job by graduation so I can move the hell out of here.

Ok, I’m going to go try to get a few hours sleep before I have to be back on campus tomorrow morning. I just needed to write that out so I can look back in years and remember how far I’ve come. From the ghetto to the gated community, right? Oh, the perils of being born a white female in a middle class family, right? Ha!

Sooooooooo….

Remember that jackass I dated early last year? The one I was totally so head over heels in love with that I was stupid enough to believe his BS? (Oh wait, that’s every boy I’ve dated.) The one that WAS ENGAGED THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS DATING HIM. The one I contemplated telling his fiance all about us? (No matter how I phrase it, that sentence doesn’t make sense to me.)

Yeah, him.

He emailed me today and told me he was coming back to Colorado and wanted to see me. That he missed me. That he couldn’t stop thinking about me. That I was the most sincere, caring, kind, woman he’s ever been with and blah, blah, blah.

What. the. Fuck. Douchebag?!

Seriously? I hate boys. All of them.

I may be a sucker, but I am not that big of a sucker. Even if I were single I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. Do people really think others are that dumb?!

Anyway, I decided that it was enough and I would tell his wife about the whole thing, because I can only forgive and forget and mind my own business so much. So, I go cyber-stalking and find his myspace again (after an hour of trying to remember how I found it in the first place) and guess what – she’s divorcing him and it will be official by Thanksgiving.

Big surprise there, eh?

I feel bad. I feel like I could’ve saved this woman the heartbreak of being a Divorcée at 26. I could’ve saved her a ton of money, time, and effort by telling her before she was married to this jerk.

Is it wrong I want to be her friend?

I myself have found
a real rival in myself
I am hoping for
a rearrival of my health

So, the election’s over.

Thank God.

If I never have to hear “I’m Liar#232, and I approve this message.” again, I’d be ecstatic. But, it’ll suffice if I don’t have to hear it for a few years.

Even though we didn’t get 5% of the vote, I still feel this election season was a success, at least personally. I’ve honed my ‘Vote Third Party’ speech into a flawless argument, and I’m totally prepared for next time. Also, I personally got 16 people who weren’t going to vote Libertarian to actually do it (or at least they told me they did to shut me up.)

I’m happy.

I almost forgot to add my political haiku!:

They’re Republicrats
What’s a vote for real change, then?
Libertarian!

“Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”

-John Quincy Adams

Fat talk.

Worth the load time in my opinion.

Wanda’s Julie’s Fat Knees: