I’m Not Dead, I Swear

Tonight I passed out from shear exhaustion for a small nap around 8:00pm. I planned on sleeping about an hour and then waking up and hitting the books – again. Unfortunately, I overslept a bit, but the universe was looking out for me and sent an alarm to wake me up.

At exactly 9:18pm I was awoken by 4 loud pops. I was a bit startled, but thought it must be fireworks from the assholes who live behind me. However, it was odd enough and loud enough that I noted the exact time it happened incase the cops stopped by and someone was dead.

I’m psychic.

At 9:40 the doorbell rang. I opened the door to 5 cop cars outside my house and a cop asking if everyone in the house was alive and ok.

“Um, yeah – why?”

“Well Ma’am, it seems there were shots fired in your front yard and we need to ask you a few questions.”

Ok, wtf?! I HATE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. It wasn’t just gunfire a few houses away, or gunfire in front of my house, it was gunfire IN MY FRONT YARD THAT IS FENCED IN.

After HOURS of the cops being here they finally packed up and left. (with no dead body and no real damage to anything other than a broken window in the neighbor’s house, was there a need for hours and hours of mulling around my yard? Tax dollars at work, I see.)  They found 4 shell casings in my yard and on the sidewalk in front of my house. That’s it.

1) Why would someone jump into my yard and shoot a gun? Presumably they shot away from the house towards the street because a bullet shattered the neighbor’s window. Why?!

2) Since there really wasn’t death/serious damage why would the cops stay for hours combing my yard for bullet casings? It just caused a bunch of the neighbors to congregate around my house gossiping about who wants to kill the neighbors.

3) I hate this neighborhood. For obvious reasons now. At least this validated my feelings.

4) May can’t come soon enough. Hopefully I’ll have a job by graduation so I can move the hell out of here.

Ok, I’m going to go try to get a few hours sleep before I have to be back on campus tomorrow morning. I just needed to write that out so I can look back in years and remember how far I’ve come. From the ghetto to the gated community, right? Oh, the perils of being born a white female in a middle class family, right? Ha!

I found this through Boing Boing and decided to take the plunge and see what a shitty 1939 housewife I’d make. I confirmed my suspicions and scored a whopping two. A two! That qualifies me as a very poor (failure) of a housewife. Good thing I have no desire to be one, right?

I love reading stuff like this – societal changes (and lack of them) is fascinating.

I’ve .pdf’d the photos if you’d like to pass the lovely booklet along to friends and family. I sent it to everyone I know, but I’m a weirdo.

I feel like I can’t even communicate at the moment. I’m running on less than 2.5 hours of sleep and it’s starting to take its toll. Ignore me, but don’t ignore the awesome wife test.

Also, there’s a husband version. I’m going to quiz my inappropriately, and barely legal, young lovah. Wonder if he’ll pass?

What’d you score? Please be a shitty housewife (or househusband) with me!