I’m Not Dead, I Swear

I’ve been super busy lately. What’s new, right?

Also, I can’t believe I did it, but…

My infomercial obsession is nothing new (proof), and I’m obsessed with Vince Offer. Every time I watch TV, it’s TIVO’d of course so I can fast forward through the commercials. However, I will literally rewind to watch the ShamWOW and SlapChop commercials. They’re brilliant! I just wish they were the full 30 minute infomercials.

(I met my stepsisters for the first time on Christmas. I don’t really feel like talking about that at the moment. It’s hard to see your father with a new family and doing fatherly things that he never did with you - with someone else’s daughter.)

I just sent this email to a friend because I am crazy and random.

So, since you are a lovely grad student, will you explain some things to me. What the fuck are comprehensives? Are you getting an MS? I’ve been asked to attend grad school by two of my professors, should I do it? How are you paying for grad school? Are you a TA? Do you have a fellowship? Is work paying for it? I want a fellowship, think it’s likely? I’m a girl in mechanical engineering, so I think I have a better chance than some, but still I only have a 3.55 GPA from a crap school, so I don’t think I have a chance. How hard was the GRE - I’ve already been accepted to my school and I don’t need to take it, except most fellowships ask for it. I’m scared of the GRE.

I’m rambling, but I’m so confused about whether I should suck it up for another 2 years and get my MS in mechanical engineering or just go into the workplace. I’m leaning toward grad school cause I don’t think I’m smart enough for real life. And I hate change. Change sucks.

GAH!

Sorry I just asked a thousand questions. I’m just nervous/scared.

Also, last week I got a $300 speeding ticket for going 34 in a school zone. This is a high school school zone and while I didn’t mean to speed, I’m not so opposed to killing a few teenagers - especially because they like shooting guns in my front yard.

I’m sure I’m going to hell for that. Oh well.

I think there should be elderly zones, not school zones. The elderly can’t get out of the way as quickly as kids.

Also, because children are the most important thing in the world and their lives are more valuable than anyone elses, I am required to go to court. I can’t just pay the ticket, I have to actually waste a whole day in court. However, my court date is the same day as one of my finals, so I have to reschedule. But, of course, they don’t make anything easy so I have to actually go to the courthouse to change my court date, I can’t just call to reschedule.

Blah.

Tonight I passed out from shear exhaustion for a small nap around 8:00pm. I planned on sleeping about an hour and then waking up and hitting the books - again. Unfortunately, I overslept a bit, but the universe was looking out for me and sent an alarm to wake me up.

At exactly 9:18pm I was awoken by 4 loud pops. I was a bit startled, but thought it must be fireworks from the assholes who live behind me. However, it was odd enough and loud enough that I noted the exact time it happened incase the cops stopped by and someone was dead.

I’m psychic.

At 9:40 the doorbell rang. I opened the door to 5 cop cars outside my house and a cop asking if everyone in the house was alive and ok.

“Um, yeah - why?”

“Well Ma’am, it seems there were shots fired in your front yard and we need to ask you a few questions.”

Ok, wtf?! I HATE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD. It wasn’t just gunfire a few houses away, or gunfire in front of my house, it was gunfire IN MY FRONT YARD THAT IS FENCED IN.

After HOURS of the cops being here they finally packed up and left. (with no dead body and no real damage to anything other than a broken window in the neighbor’s house, was there a need for hours and hours of mulling around my yard? Tax dollars at work, I see.)  They found 4 shell casings in my yard and on the sidewalk in front of my house. That’s it.

1) Why would someone jump into my yard and shoot a gun? Presumably they shot away from the house towards the street because a bullet shattered the neighbor’s window. Why?!

2) Since there really wasn’t death/serious damage why would the cops stay for hours combing my yard for bullet casings? It just caused a bunch of the neighbors to congregate around my house gossiping about who wants to kill the neighbors.

3) I hate this neighborhood. For obvious reasons now. At least this validated my feelings.

4) May can’t come soon enough. Hopefully I’ll have a job by graduation so I can move the hell out of here.

Ok, I’m going to go try to get a few hours sleep before I have to be back on campus tomorrow morning. I just needed to write that out so I can look back in years and remember how far I’ve come. From the ghetto to the gated community, right? Oh, the perils of being born a white female in a middle class family, right? Ha!

I’m in the middle of 29+ hours worth of work all due this week, but I needed a quick break. Coldplay popped up on shuffle and I had to confess my love of Chris Martin to someone because I’ve kept it a secret long enough.

I’m in the midst of a celibacy vow, but hot damn if that man doesn’t make me want to touch myself.

You know, if I can forget about his twit of a wife and his pretentiously named children. And his overall douche bag persona. Every time I hear a song of his and start thinking about how much I adore him they ruin it. Wives and children and douche bag personas ruin everything.

Oh, and Jay-Z. He ruins everything, too. But I’d file him under douche bag persona.

Awesomeness.

These guys make me wanna play Nintendo…

Sooooooooo….

Remember that jackass I dated early last year? The one I was totally so head over heels in love with that I was stupid enough to believe his BS? (Oh wait, that’s every boy I’ve dated.) The one that WAS ENGAGED THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS DATING HIM. The one I contemplated telling his fiance all about us? (No matter how I phrase it, that sentence doesn’t make sense to me.)

Yeah, him.

He emailed me today and told me he was coming back to Colorado and wanted to see me. That he missed me. That he couldn’t stop thinking about me. That I was the most sincere, caring, kind, woman he’s ever been with and blah, blah, blah.

What. the. Fuck. Douchebag?!

Seriously? I hate boys. All of them.

I may be a sucker, but I am not that big of a sucker. Even if I were single I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply. Do people really think others are that dumb?!

Anyway, I decided that it was enough and I would tell his wife about the whole thing, because I can only forgive and forget and mind my own business so much. So, I go cyber-stalking and find his myspace again (after an hour of trying to remember how I found it in the first place) and guess what - she’s divorcing him and it will be official by Thanksgiving.

Big surprise there, eh?

I feel bad. I feel like I could’ve saved this woman the heartbreak of being a Divorcée at 26. I could’ve saved her a ton of money, time, and effort by telling her before she was married to this jerk.

Is it wrong I want to be her friend?

I myself have found
a real rival in myself
I am hoping for
a rearrival of my health